Sarcasm and singleness

There are some topics that I have written about in my limited blogging career that I have felt like a complete fraud writing about.  Self control, purity, kindness, etc., etc.  These were not areas that I had a lot of personal experience with, but I felt that I should talk about them anyway.  What I want to write about tonight is an area that, sadly, I feel like an all time champ in.  Sarcasm.  Sarcasm is, as the Greeks put it, absolutely terrible.  Fine, you say, but why call this post "Sarcasm and SINGLENESS?"  I have called it this because I believe sarcasm has much to do with singleness, and I hope that you will let me show you why.  

What is sarcasm?
First, a working definition is in order.  The word sarcasm is defined as, "a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain."  Well, you say, that's not what I think of when I think of sarcasm.  Fine.  Let's try another definition.  How about, "a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter,caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual."  That one doesn't seem too much better.  How about this one from the Andy Wood dictionary of the Southern English language:  Sarcasm is something you say out loud with the goal of making your audience laugh at someone or feel superior to that person.  I hope that you see how I've trapped you self-depreciators out there in that definition.  Yes.  I'm gunning for you as well.  Please also note that I am going to talk about some effects of sarcasm, but I am leaving the causes of sarcasm completely alone.  That's for another blog post for another day.

Does the Bible speak to sarcasm?
I believe that it does.  Here's the problem:  some of you (most of you) are going to agree with me that sarcasm can be bad.  My fear is that you will say, "Yeah, but my sarcasm is different. It's not hurtful."  Or, even worse, you will say, "Jesus and Paul were sarcastic!"  To that first response I will say that, yes, by definition, your sarcasm is hurtful.  Look up there again at those definitions.  Do you see the words, "sharp...designed to cut or give pain...directed against an individual."  The fact of the matter is that your sarcasm has hurt people far more often than not.  To the people who would offer up the second excuse, I would say that you are not the Son of God or the  apostle to the Gentiles tasked by the Holy Spirit to write half of the New Testament.  Jesus may have used sarcasm to open up the eyes of a Pharisee to their hard hearts, and Paul may have used sarcasm to make a point to a just converted pagan, but you (if you're anything like me) are usually using your sarcasm to get a laugh at the dinner table.  Jesus was described as a suffering servant who wouldn't snuff out a smoldering wick or break off a bent reed. Are we that gentle in our speech?  In Galatians chapter 5, Paul writes that the Galatians have been, "called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another."  We are free, but we are free to serve one another.  We are free to love one another like we would like to be loved.  Do you like being the target of sarcasm?  Do you like the sound of people laughing at your expense?  Then why do you do it others?  He goes on to say the Galatians are to avoid sins like, "enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions,divisions..."  If you're anything like me, this is how you read that entire list of sins, "sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmitystrifejealousyfitsofangerrivalriesdissensionsdivisions, 21 envy,[d] drunkenness, orgies."  If you haven't shacked up with anyone or cast a spell lately, you think you're good.  Unfortunately, we are answerable for all of those sins.  I want to show you the command against sarcasm from another direction, however.  Later in the same chapter, Paul writes that the Galatians are to be filled with the fruits of the Spirit which are (everybody sing the song!) love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.  Look at that list of things we are to be.  Where does sarcasm fit in any of those categories?  

What is the effect of sarcasm?
Let's look at it from several angles.

• What does it take away from us?
• Sarcasm takes away our harmony.  Wolf packs have alpha dogs and then the wolf that every other wolf picks on.  That's what sarcasm does to us.  We identify the weak one and that's the one we pick on.  Sure, it might change from week to week, but we still put others down so that we can elevate ourselves.  Brothers and sisters, this is NOT what we are called to be.
• Sarcasm takes away our ability to trust.  This one is particularly painful for me to talk about, because I have seen it in my own life first hand.  When we are sarcastic and exist in a world filled with sarcasm, we can't accept compliments from one another.  If I say something nice to you, are you going to take it at face value or are you waiting for the punch line?  After all, 15 minutes ago, I made fun of you, now are you supposed to believe that I really do think you're great?  And, if I just was sarcastic to you, was your compliment towards me sincere or a rebuttal?  
• Sarcasm takes away our desire for deeper purpose.  Does sarcasm lead you to want to pray with one another?  Serve with one another?  Spread the gospel with one another?  Of course not.  Sarcasm kills those better instincts.
• What does it add to us?
• In a word, nothing.  It adds nothing good.  No one ever went home from a prayer meeting and said, "Yanno...the Spirit wasn't really moving, but then Bill insulted Mary and the tongues of fire descended!"  
• In a negative sense, sarcasm adds tension and dissension.  Tension comes from the constant flow of hurt feelings from one person to the other.  In any group, someone's feelings are always getting hurt.  Dissension comes when that person with the hurt feelings voices their pain and their frustration in ways that are unhealthy.
• A word to single men-
• Ah, at last.  The singleness part.  Single men, don't be sarcastic.  You know who is sarcastic?  Little boys and grown men who act little boys.  Be men.  Be kind.  Be encouraging.  Be gentle.  For Pete's sake, be smart.  Do you think that a Godly woman wants to spend her life with a man who is going to mock her daily?  And if you hoodwink one into marrying you, how is she going to feel about you 15 years down the road?  I mean, if you want to be single forever, fire away.  If not...let's lose the sarcasm.  
• A word to single women-
• I'm going to tread lightly here, but, ladies-ponder the words of Proverbs 21:9 with me.  It says, "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."  If that didn't make it clear enough, Proverbs 25:24 says, "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."  I mean, ya'll, for real:  it says it twice.  Now let's look at the "ideal wife" of Proverbs 31:  "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."  Do with that what you will.  
• A word to single communities-  
• If you're wondering if you're in a single community, take this test.  Think about what you did this weekend.  Ok, now, think about last weekend.  Who was there?  Pretty much the same bunch of people? Any of them married?  Ok.  You're in a single community.
• If you find yourself in a single community, know two things.  1.  The world hates you.  Yes, the world hates you.  The world wants to see you tear each other apart and then bad mouth one another to unbelievers.  The world hates the unity of the body, and sarcasm is one of it's chief weapons.  2.  You exist to send one another out to greater works.  Those works may be marriage.  They may be a lifetime of foreign missions.  They may be any number of things.  Whatever they are, love one another, encourage one another, pray for one another, and be kind to one another.  Sarcasm doesn't fit.
• What are we to do about it?  
• Focus on the Cross of Jesus Christ.  If I look at the Cross, how can I think of myself more highly than I ought?  If I look at the Cross, how can I mock someone that my Savior thought enough to die for?
• Do things that matter.  Men, take the lead.  When you're gathered together, don't talk about sports or some Youtube video, ask people what the Lord has been teaching them.  Ask them how you can pray for them.  Instead of ANOTHER trip to the lake, get people signed up to build a house one Saturday morning.  It's hard to be sarcastic when you're doing things like that.
• Maybe don't talk so much.  Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."  If you can't say something nice....